The Start of Everything :D :D :D It all started with PLURK. It ended with (IDK). But it needs to STOP. STOP. MOVE ON.
30 May 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
19 November 2009
The Start of Everything :D :D :D It all started with PLURK. It ended with (IDK). But it needs to STOP. STOP. MOVE ON.
30 May 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
On Wasting Gold
"It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember."
It is my friend's YM status today. I can't believe how until now, two months after graduation, I am still battling with myself to forget someone in order to move on and be happy with what I am, with what I have now, EVEN WITHOUT HIM. Correction, I am happy now. It's just that sometimes, out of the blue, I think about him (but not the usual thinking-about-him as I used to think about him before) For example, I read this status from my friend, I remembered him.
The thing is: I believe I can live well without him. I have a lot of things to do to just continue thinking about him. I am currenly making this blog all because I want to reflect, because my friend's YM status is worth reflecting about.
Living without him is not the issue now. It is more of, "nasasayangan lang ako sa mahigit isang taong ginugol ko para sa taong ito, para mauwi lang sa WALA." I mean, I spent most of my time with him. I could have spent it with other friends. C'est dommage.
I want to forget, not because I hate him. It's more of feeling nothing, not love, not anger, not hatred, a bit of bitterness perhaps. But more of bitterness because I wasted so much time, having spent my time with a guy who I think was not worth it anyway. A guy who I considered a friend but did not regard me as his friend.
It's hard to forget especially if you keep on remembering you wasted TIME! I wasted gold. I wasted gold.
"It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember."
I MISS
OKAY. FIRST DAY OF CLASS. I MISS ATENEO LOYOLA SCHOOLS. I MISS UNIVERSITY DORM. I MISS MVP. I MISS PUB ROOM. I MISS RIZAL LIB. I MISS GONZAGA CAF. I MISS THE RED BRICK ROAD. I MISS KATIPS.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Friday Glee
Fine ang daming haters pero love na love ko ang Glee version ng Friday. As in nagdiriwang ang puso ko ngayon sa LSS kahit na di ko mapanood dahil blocked sa work. Pero OMG sumaya ako haha. LSS LSS LSS. fun fun fun. Hindi ko na yata maa-outgrow ang pagmamahal ko sa mga songs na walang kwenta lang =)) HAHA
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Plurk
I remember how I earned negative karma (many times) (no matter how I was obsessed with getting to nirvana) for plurking more than 30 times a day; how I reached nirvana three times for three different accounts (that I had to close to focus on acads) Things I did (I still do on FB) when I (was) [addicted to the internet and in love with a guy who had(s) Plurk (and who has FB now)]
(blush) (dance) (rofl) (lmao) (headspin) (gym)
(blush) (dance) (rofl) (lmao) (headspin) (gym)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Untitled
Back in freshman year, I had a dream friend. He was an impossible dream because it was highly unlikely that we would have mutual friends. I studied in a school where I was the only one from my highschool and probably one of the few from my province. I wanted him to become my friend because I was really impressed with his writing. I was amazed at how he writes so eloquently in Filipino, much better than the best student writers I have met when I was still a highschool campus journalist. I read his work from one of the campus publication. His work got published because he won first prize for essay writing in Filipino. His work changed my whole view of how it is to write well. Ever since I read his article, I vowed to myself to practice writing and to do it well. He was my idol. I was his fan.
Fortunately, after several months, I realized that we were organization mates. We were both members of Matanglawin, the official student publication in Filipino of the Ateneo. For my first article in Matanglawin, I was lucky to have worked with two other fellow writers and him. I thought I grabbed the opportunity to know him then but we did not become close friends because we divided the work by pairing up and I got paired with another writer. I missed the chance when I was in sophomore year but the desire within me to become friends with this guy was never lost. He was my fellow writer. I was his organization mate.
We became good friends in junior year. Friendship, it just happened. He turned out to be very approachable. I did not have to create extra efforts to befriend him as he was naturally amiable. We would hang out everyday in the publication room. We would chat online every night. We would talk on Plurk all the time. We would go on lunch and dinner together. I would sometimes accompany him to attend to his personal matters and he would do the same. We would share secrets only the two of us know. We would travel places for our organization and take it as given that we would be bus seatmates. He would invite me to watch a movie but unfortunately the plans never pushed through. Some common friends labeled our relationship as “intimate” and we did not mind. I was happy with him and I assume he also was. There was a point in my life when if I were to rank my friends from top to bottom, he would occupy the first slot. I might have not been very significant to him but he became one of the most important friends I have from college. I asked him to write my write-up for the yearbook and he did it for me. He was my friend. I was his friend.
What happened was both a personal and social achievement. I got what I wanted- friendship. However, in the middle of the intimate conversations, I fell in love. I believe it was not absurd to fall for a friend. It happens often to different people from all walks of life. I kept it to myself for quite some time but common friends came to know about it after almost a year of keeping it to myself. I did not care too much about them knowing and about him knowing because I used to think he would understand because we were friends. I used to believe he would not take it against me and things would be the same because I never expected for something more than his friendship. I was perfectly satisfied with us being friends. He was my friend. I was his lover. I was his FRIEND.
As hopeless as a hopeless romantic, romance did not go my way. My first love turned out to be unrequited love. At first I did not mind primarily because I have never really dreamed of us loving each other as a couple. However, there was a point when my love transformed into love with the slight flavor of bitterness because as time went by, I was not only experiencing unrequited love but also unrequited friendship. We never talked about it. Not-being-friends-as-how-we-used-to-be, it just happened. I used to blame myself. Perhaps, had I not fallen for him, we could have been friends, nothing more and nothing less. I remembered a friend once advised me to not be bothered because friends do not break up as lovers do. I was his friend. I was his hopeless romantic trying to kill love for his friendship.
Deep in my heart was a realization that friends do not break up but they move apart. I tried my best to arrive at rationalizations to answer my questions questioning love, questions questioning friendship. Friendship is a human relationship governed by motion, constantly moving- moving towards, moving apart, moving away. One moves towards a prospective friend. When he realized I was falling, he moved away. We moved apart. In my deepest attempt to forgive myself, to understand him, and to forget, I cannot allow it to have a broken and bitter ending. While still governed by motion, I need to move forward. It was difficult I needed to kill love to salvage a friendship when the person on the other end does not want to be saved (or does not even care).
Up to this time I wonder how and when the friendship ended. It is trivial how one could be involved and not really know what is happening. Since we both graduated as batchmates, we no longer see each other everyday as part of the same organization. However, I firmly believe we would see each other again. Why not? According to Facebook, we are sharing 72 common friends. Compared to my humble beginning of having to dream from scratch, I could still dream an old dream and have these 72 possible ways to reach him. Who knows, my old dream might take me to a mysterious path and allow me to create a 73rd means to salvage a long lost friendship? I am his friend.
Fortunately, after several months, I realized that we were organization mates. We were both members of Matanglawin, the official student publication in Filipino of the Ateneo. For my first article in Matanglawin, I was lucky to have worked with two other fellow writers and him. I thought I grabbed the opportunity to know him then but we did not become close friends because we divided the work by pairing up and I got paired with another writer. I missed the chance when I was in sophomore year but the desire within me to become friends with this guy was never lost. He was my fellow writer. I was his organization mate.
We became good friends in junior year. Friendship, it just happened. He turned out to be very approachable. I did not have to create extra efforts to befriend him as he was naturally amiable. We would hang out everyday in the publication room. We would chat online every night. We would talk on Plurk all the time. We would go on lunch and dinner together. I would sometimes accompany him to attend to his personal matters and he would do the same. We would share secrets only the two of us know. We would travel places for our organization and take it as given that we would be bus seatmates. He would invite me to watch a movie but unfortunately the plans never pushed through. Some common friends labeled our relationship as “intimate” and we did not mind. I was happy with him and I assume he also was. There was a point in my life when if I were to rank my friends from top to bottom, he would occupy the first slot. I might have not been very significant to him but he became one of the most important friends I have from college. I asked him to write my write-up for the yearbook and he did it for me. He was my friend. I was his friend.
What happened was both a personal and social achievement. I got what I wanted- friendship. However, in the middle of the intimate conversations, I fell in love. I believe it was not absurd to fall for a friend. It happens often to different people from all walks of life. I kept it to myself for quite some time but common friends came to know about it after almost a year of keeping it to myself. I did not care too much about them knowing and about him knowing because I used to think he would understand because we were friends. I used to believe he would not take it against me and things would be the same because I never expected for something more than his friendship. I was perfectly satisfied with us being friends. He was my friend. I was his lover. I was his FRIEND.
As hopeless as a hopeless romantic, romance did not go my way. My first love turned out to be unrequited love. At first I did not mind primarily because I have never really dreamed of us loving each other as a couple. However, there was a point when my love transformed into love with the slight flavor of bitterness because as time went by, I was not only experiencing unrequited love but also unrequited friendship. We never talked about it. Not-being-friends-as-how-we-used-to-be, it just happened. I used to blame myself. Perhaps, had I not fallen for him, we could have been friends, nothing more and nothing less. I remembered a friend once advised me to not be bothered because friends do not break up as lovers do. I was his friend. I was his hopeless romantic trying to kill love for his friendship.
Deep in my heart was a realization that friends do not break up but they move apart. I tried my best to arrive at rationalizations to answer my questions questioning love, questions questioning friendship. Friendship is a human relationship governed by motion, constantly moving- moving towards, moving apart, moving away. One moves towards a prospective friend. When he realized I was falling, he moved away. We moved apart. In my deepest attempt to forgive myself, to understand him, and to forget, I cannot allow it to have a broken and bitter ending. While still governed by motion, I need to move forward. It was difficult I needed to kill love to salvage a friendship when the person on the other end does not want to be saved (or does not even care).
Up to this time I wonder how and when the friendship ended. It is trivial how one could be involved and not really know what is happening. Since we both graduated as batchmates, we no longer see each other everyday as part of the same organization. However, I firmly believe we would see each other again. Why not? According to Facebook, we are sharing 72 common friends. Compared to my humble beginning of having to dream from scratch, I could still dream an old dream and have these 72 possible ways to reach him. Who knows, my old dream might take me to a mysterious path and allow me to create a 73rd means to salvage a long lost friendship? I am his friend.
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