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So that’s how “I could lose my life at any moment,” felt. For less than ten seconds, I felt numb. It was probably the combination of feeling scared, anxious, helpless, undecided. I could have been stabbed by a stranger when I was so unprepared to die.

***

Nakasakay ako sa jeep habang nagpapadala ng mga text sa ilang kabigan nang biglang may maingay sa may pinto ng sasakyan. (Tired from the day’s requirements and The Palladium’s coverage of SC elections and thinking how to study for tomorrow’s PIL class)

Mga pasahero: Hindi maintindihang ingay.

Magnanakaw: Putang ina mo, ano?

Drayber: Putang ina mo (para sa Magnanakaw). Putang ina mo, nananadya ka pa (Para sa kasalubong na jeep na pinaghinalaan niyang kasabwat).

Magnanakaw: Putang ina mo lalaban ka pa. Putang ina. (Sumampa ng jeep at may hawak na kutsilyo habang papalapit sa Drayber. Ilang Segundo ang nagdaan, bumaba rin siya dala ang 2 bag at cellphone ng ibang pasahero).

Umiiyak ako. Umiiyak din ang mga kasama ko habang pinipilit ang Drayber na tumakbo na lamang dahil baka bumalik pa ang Magnanakaw. Dumiretso kami sa presinto.

***

For 30 minutes of my life, I was so confused. I did not know what to do. The place of the precinct was an unknown area and it was already 10:00 PM. I did not know whether to wait for the jeepney with the other passengers or to get myself a cab. The pros of a cab: I can go ahead. The cons of the cab: I will be alone and it might pass the very same street where the incident happened. I was so scared but I could not call my sister to get a cab from the dorm and fetch me there. It was a scary place. I could not call a friend to fetch me there. It was a scary place. I ended up waiting for the other passengers to give their (I did not even know how that one was called, complaint?) On our way back, the jeepney driver was saying sorry and apologizing for what happened. He said, “Nangyayari talaga ito. Pasensya na.” He did not have to. I feel endlessly thankful no one was hurt. It feels awful how a person can arbitrarily lose his or her life because of a random event. The robber could have just chosen one of us to stab, so that the passengers will be scared. Thanks God it did not happen.

Reflections:

All my legal knowledge was gone, even for that moment we were already at the precinct. If I were one of the passengers whose things were robbed, I may not have been able to speak at all. It’s really not the things that one will lose. I believe it is more of the emotional stress one has to endure being confronted with a knife that could end one’s life when one is extremely not prepared to die. I was so confused and crying: I read the texts I sent when we were already at the precinct, I used curse words like “Fuck,” “Shit” etc. And I used them repeatedly. I don’t curse in normal situations.

Resolution: I will never ever commute at night ever again. Safety is not insured by daytime but at least, I will have sunlight.

Realization: It is a sad and bad thing (probably unjustified qualification by a law student) but theft is a “better” crime than robbery.

Thank you to my AHRC friends who called: Lea, Pau, Jay. At paumanhin kung nakagulo pa ako sa simula ng pagdiriwang. CONGRATULATIONS LEA B. NA HANDANG MAGSILBI!!!