Apologies, Freedom, Love

A guy does not become a girl’s just because she fenced him. Freedom of the self to love (and choose) entails freedom of the other to love (and choose). This is not saying that love will merely be mutual choice or convergence between two persons’ freedom. Love should be more than that, but it surely should start with mutual respect of the other’s freedom. One cannot just impose love and expect to be loved in return. This is still not saying that love should always be reciprocal. There will always be questions on whether sacrificial love and unrequited love fall under the general definition of “love.” But that really depends on a person’s definition of love. However, it is certain that it should not be a question of who flings better or uses chains and fences more.

A person can only do so much in making his choice and hope for the best that the other will also choose him. It should not be too regulated nor too framed to limit the options of the other. One can make decisions and revisions to improve the self or even exert efforts to alleviate the chances of being chosen. However, things are different if emotions of other people (aside from the self and the initial other) are already involved. If the other chosen by the self has another, even before the self came in, the self should be able to recognize that. In a way, this could be seen as a threat to the self’s freedom. The freedom of the other can in a way preclude the self from exercising its absolute freedom. But that is life. There should always be recognition that spatio-temporal motions are governed by the limitedness of being. The goal should be to transcend in spite of one’s historicity, and to transcend without limiting another’s right to also transcend.

The presence of the other’s another does not mean that the self’s hope should dry up. Hope does not end there. But love is not about a competition, nor is it a question of who wins or who loses. Bottomline is that the self should know how to respect the feelings of others (in this sense, the another). Of if the self has unconsciously failed to respect emotions of others (in this sense, the another), he should know how to apologize and change the structure of things from the very moment he realized his “mistakes.” Mistakes in quotations because the “wrong” done should not be considered as wrongs and mistakes in the real sense. The self cannot be blamed, even for things hastily done for the mere reason of overexercising the freedom to choose.

Apologies are never too late, especially when they are due, even after damage is done.